Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess Remade
by Warrior's shade
Summary: Link has had to go on a lot of quests and has to deal with a lot of stuff that can make a man go insane but on a quest he finaly snaps and what better way to fill your blood lust than killing every singal thing in your path and help from past bosses
1. Chapter 1

Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess

Remade

Chapter1

The life of a ordinary rancher is not what this story is about. It is about a dude named Link who has been on many quests, made friends out of enemies and was mentally stupid. Did many crazy and stupid things, but one day while traveling he came across a village where he settled down made friends found love and hit his head so hard it made him smart. One day the time for another quest came.

-skips all the way to the part where Link has to apologize to Ilia for letting Epona get hurt while herding goats -

Ilia says," I'm sorry for getting so mad at you for letting Epona get a tiny scratch. Link says," It is okay Ilia just don't kick me in the face next time."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

`Me: flashback time

Link: NO!

Ilia: DON'T!

Link says, "Ilia I'm sorry." Ilia says," I'm sorry I'm sorry is that all you have to say you jerk!" "Ilia that is inappropriate language"

"Stay out of this dad" Link says, "Ilia don't take your anger out on your dad" "okay, I will take it out on you" "what" Ilia round house kicks Link

Present time

Ilia says, "yeah sorry about that." Link says, "It is okay"

Epona kicks link because she is bored.

-skips the first twilight area and is in the Faron spring-

"oh heroic youth," the Faron guardian said "look at your true form yada yada yada, look if you played this damn game you know. I will grant you one wish to help you on this quest." Link says, "well there is one thing, I wish all the friends I made in OoT and Majors Masks where here except for Gandorf." The Faron guardian said, "okay, and dude you were breaking the forth wall there man."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from any of the Legend of Zelda games.

(a/n) I read some of your reviews and come on I'm new at this give me a break and also my little sis mess with my laptop and erased some chapters I was working on and I forgot what I wrote so I had to redo some stuff

All of a sudden Ghoma, King Dondgo, Barinade, Phantom Ganon, Volvagia, Morph, Bongo Bongo, Kotake, Komue, Oldowa, Ghot, Gyorg, and Twinmold appeared out of nowhere in the spring.

As soon as they saw link they mauled him, snaped his neck, broke his legs, and decapitated him, then said hi.

-one fairy revive later-

Link says, "why would you do that" everybody kicked, punched, and riped his arms of until he died again

-another fairy revive later-

Link says, "Stop that!" King Dodngo tried to kick Link but he a big head and little arms so his head got stuck and he couldn't kick Link.

Link just stabbed King Dodngo's gut a lot. Link says, "you me 300 rupees fatty!" King Dodngo asks why.

To be continued…. as soon as I update the next chapter

(A/n) Oh and can you guy give me tips on how to make the story better.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I fall from the sky. I say, "because you two made a bet that he would never get a girlfriend and if you didn't read chapter 1 then your screwed man." King Dodngo says, "Go f*** your self blaster128." I reply "say that again and you get fired jack ass." King Dodngo says, "So what if I do." I say, "Then get your fat ass out of here" King Dodngo says, "Fine." King Dodngo leaves.

-A new King Dodngo audition later-

I say, "so I'm going to explain the story real quick, in the story the only the fire bosses will be with Link in the forest temple, and Ghot you are a fire boss because the fire temple is always the second temple and you were in the second temple in Majora's Masks. Only the water bosses in the fire temple, and only the forest temple bosses in the water temple. Link you die a lot and I mean a lot , but some how to have a endless supply of fairies. You will met Link girl friend Sheik, and remember Sheik is a girl this time. Oh and some of you may have gotten reviews from me and if you didn't like them you can review my stories with out offending me. So that is about it. Link says, "Why are you here?" I reply, "Because I can." Link says, "Oh okay."

-back to the story-

"I BARINADE am bored" Barinade picks Link up by the leg and smashes him on the ground over and over and over again. Ghoma says, "Put Link down Barinade." Barinade put Link down. Ghoma ripped Link's arms off, Bongo Bongo crushed Link's skull, Komue burned Link, Komue froze Link, and Phantom Ganon stabbed Link with his scepter/trident.

-another fairy later-

Link yells, "Stop that!" everybody said okay then Ghoma said, "look I caught a butter fly I named him Bob ." Suddenly Bob breathed fire at Link.

-Another fairy later-

Link yells, "how the hell does a butterfly breath fire like a freaking dodngo?" Ghoma says, "Because nobody suspects a butterfly".


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Disclamier: I do not own any of the legend of Zelda characters

-back to the actual-

Link and his group were leaving the Faron Spring and were heading to the forest temple until they came to a giant ditch. Link says, "Hey I've been here before but it wasn't filled with purple gas then, do you think it is poisonous" "I BARINADE will see" Barinade threw Link into the gas. "I BARINADE think Link either died an impact with the ground or the purple gas killed him." Link was revived by a fairy, but died again because he was still in the poisonous gas.

` -Two fairies and a pissed off Link later-

Ghoma says, "How the hell did we get through that ditch, and why does Link have a lantern, and where did that monkey come from?"

-Ghoma asks a few more questions-

-on the way to the forest temple-

Ghoma says, "why does this place look familiar?" everyone says, "nobody cares."

(A/n) remember give me tips on how to make my stories better please.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

(A/n) to the person who said that jerk isn't a bad word and the chapters where so short my computer messed up and put in the wrong chapter and my computer has limited space so I have to make my chapters short so stop complaining.

Disclamier: I do not own any of the characters from any of the legend of Zelda games.

-At the forest temple-

Ghoma says, "anybody who is not in the forest temple part of the story lets go beat the crap out of toon link in The Phantom Hour Glass.

-in the forest temple-

Link pulls out a to do list for the temple. Ghot asks, "what is that" "I don't know it is something I found at the entrance to this god for saken place, so it says that we have to save the monkeys first so I say we go left first." The new King Dodngo asks, "how do you know, you've never been here before?" "because it says so in the god damn strategy book, so shut up or you will get fired to" "okay jerk" Link stabbed King Dodngo through the head "I said shut up!" "now lets go save the god damn monkeys." Link walks through the door on the left, shots a skullta with his slingshot making it fall in to the water below it, jumps across a gap, goes through another door to find a key, walks back in to the previous room unlocks the locked door in that room to find a room with a monkey in a cage on top of a totem pole, so link chops the totem pole down, then freed the monkey and walked to the room he found the key in and a walks back to the main room because he needed the gale boomerang to get through.

Link goes through the next room he is supposed to go through and runs into some monsters and link snapped he ripped one's head off shoved it down another one's throat then rips the last one's arms off and beat it with its own arms until it was barely alive then took it to the room with the water in it and held the monsters head under until the bubbles stopped then ripped the monsters head off then each and every time he ran in to monsters each death got bloodier, brutal, and horrifying until he came to the boss he cut two of its three heads then jumped onto the last one with the eye ball he popped the eye out of the socket turned it around so the beast could watch it self die as link cut its body to shreds then link put on the silver gauntlets and pulled the boss out of the water it was in saw the head and ate the eye ball then he walked out of the temple covered in blood and had a smile on his face that could kill kittens all the bosses where there waiting for him

Ghoma says, "took you long enough" link stabbed her through the eye and chopped off her arms and left her there to die and everybody was quit as they watched in horror. Link says, "There are going to be changes around here. Barinade come here." Barinade slowly walked forward "NOW you three armed shit eating poor excuse for a boss!" Barinade was offended and tried to shoot Link with electricity but link dodged and cut off all his arms and shoved them up where he thought his ass was. Links says, " you try that again I will beat you with them until your barely alive then leave you there to let you die." Then Barinade started to cry well I think he did. Link said, "if anyone has anything to say about me they die, if anyone complains, attacks, or yells at me the get there head chopped off and shoved up their ass, and if anyone disobeys orders I will let the reviewers think up the most horrible way for me to kill that one person. Everyone agreed except for Bongo Bongo who just yell, "shut up you stupid bastard." Link stabbed him through the eye and chopped of his head and shoved it up his ass. "Any one else have any thing else to say?"

Every body shook there heads no. Link yelled, "speak when spoken to, so SPEAK!" Every one said, "no sir." Link says, "good now volvagia go get the iron boot from Mayor Boe's house NOW!"

Volvagia flew as fast as he could to get the iron boots, but came back two seconds to late, "your late you lose a arm for that," link chopped off one of volvagia's arms "now everybody go finish the second twilight area for me NOW!"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Everyone came back their mission accomplished. Link says, "now take me to Death Mountain…. Did I stutter or does one of you have a sick death wish every one stared at him then all attacked him at once. Link just stood there then stabbed volvagia through the head , cut barinade in half, then used a spin attack to cut off Komue and Kotakes heads stabbed Morpha, cut off Oldawa's legs and forced them through his head ripped Ghots head off with his bare hands, used Ghots head to shoot electricity at Gyorg, and Twinmold I will let the reviewers think of that. Then Link revived them all with fairies because he needed servants to do his every will. Link says, "if you ever do that again I won't be so merciful next time now take me to the Kakoriko village NOW!" at the village he murdered every man, women, child until he came upon colin he felt sympathy then murderous rage again he cut colin's arms and legs off then Link found some rope and hung colin and the hardest on to kill was barnes the bomb shop owner because he kept throwing bombs at Link. Then he was on his way to Death Mountain.

-on the way link ran into a goron-

The goron rolled at Link picked it up ripped it in half then cut into pieces to feed every body he kept the head for him self to eat they ran into two more gorons both brutally murdered and eaten, and on the way too the top they ran into even more gorons until Link snapped even more and went on a rampage each goron was either eaten, left to die, or thrown off from the top of Death Mountain. At the top was a of the mountain was a cave were ten gorons armed with spears ,swords, or rolling at Link. He snapped like no human could ever imagine. Link wrote his name on the walls a million times with the blood of the gorons he had killed, then he went in to the temple. Link orders Barinade to go find the boss key, Link kicked Morpha in the direction he thought a treasure chest was, then he threw Gyorg at Barinade. He continued on then he ran into a dodngo. He ripped its tail off an forced it down its throat then he drank the blood pouring from where its tail would be then he through the lifeless body at another dodngo knocking it into the lava he walked until his path was blocked by a wall he blew it up with the bombs he stole from the bomb shop. He walk through the door behind the wall he blew up to find a old goron waiting for him. The goron said, "I had something to give you, but somebody stole it." Link says, "you die for this you old piece of crap." Link grabed him by the throat and strangled him until he geard a snap which was the goron's neck Link then smashed the goron's body through a support beam for the room and smashed him on the ground leaving a big crater on impact with the ground. The goron said, "why are you doing this to me?" Link's eyes turned pure blood red at the fact the goron was still alive, and ripped him in half and saw that his heart was still beating he then lit a fire and threw both halves into the fire and stood there and watched as the goron burned. The gorons arm twitched, and this made Link over the edge. Link relesed his full rage by

(a. cook the goron and feed him to Epona)

(b. make the entire room collapse on the goron)

(c. put the fire out push the goron's head under the lava then rip its arms off and shove it up its ass, then finally rip out it's intestines and spell out I hate all of you with them)

Link moved on with a smile on his the same smile that could kill kittens.

(A/n) I think I might be going insane do you think review the chapter and tell please.


End file.
